This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
