he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
