I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
