Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
