and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
