i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
