She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
