I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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