a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I puked a lego.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
