just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
