I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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