he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
