Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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