Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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