Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
