If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is my gift to your gina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.