i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.