so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.