just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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