I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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