I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
