I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
