Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
