dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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