Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
