i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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