I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
