why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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