Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
