I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
