my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my shit smells like andre
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
