Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
