I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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