Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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