Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
