I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
