Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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