So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
