pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
