You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
