i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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