mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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