The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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