Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
