Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
