If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
