theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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