Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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