Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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