told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
