Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
