I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize