Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
