It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
