I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
