So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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