Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ruined the universe
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize