Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
