Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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