I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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