I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
