he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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