Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
