the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes