I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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