Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
