Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
