capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
