I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
