I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did i walk over a car last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
