if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
