did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
